Don’t Be So Defensive

July 9th, 2013

Where there are moms, you will find competition. I suppose somehow it is in the nature of some (most?) moms to make sure their child gets the best education, the safest car seat, the best grades, reaches milestones first, sleeps the longest, eats the best, naps better, is more well-rounded, or talks more clearly. Also as keepers of the family, we have competition over who can save the most money, write the best blog, be the most crafty, have the cleanest house, bake the best bread, cook the best dinners, and set up the most playdates. We can compete over who makes the best decisions regarding our children. We can argue over whether our decision is better. We can defend our decision. We can get defensive when someone mentions a decision that isn’t in line with ours. We get defensive. SO defensive! Then, it’s all a futile argument between 2 women defending their choice. No one is going to change their mind at this rate. It’s just a matter of who will stop arguing and drop the topic. But NO. You (I) can’t stop. You (I) can’t drop it. Because YOU (I) am RIGHT.

Don’t be so defensive. What does that even mean? Defensive means excessively concerned with guarding against the real or imagined threat of criticism, injury to one’s ego, or exposure of one’s shortcomings. Unfortunately most women don’t realize they are being defensive, but most often they are. I used to get very defensive. Now, I am much better at ignoring the critics. I have done my research. I have made informed decisions. Yes, I made the BEST decisions. The RIGHT decisions. For MY family. Now go do your research and make your own BEST and RIGHT.  Don’t be so defensive. When you are confident in your choices, you find that there’s way less need to feel guarded. Someone can be critical. They can point out your shortcomings … and yes, we all have them. They can do these things and you can smile and shrug and say, “We’re all human.”  Perhaps, you can be an even better and bigger person by humbly adding, “But thank you for pointing that out. I will work on that.”   Heaping coals … heaping coals.

Be yourself, Moms. Do what you do best and do what works for your family. This isn’t a race. It’s more of a hike up a slowly inclining mountain. Where trees fall across your path or the terrain gets bumpy here and there. But you also find a beautiful copse shadowing dark plush grass every mile or so and fields of flowers. In the end, it’s a gratifying hike, worth every bit the trouble.

So lace up your boots, mamas. And instead of throwing boulders in each others paths, how about we hand each other a walking stick.

Oh, and for those times that the other moms are raining on your parade or your kids are determined to make life difficult, here are some essential oils to help you through it. Relax. Roll on some Stress-Away, dab some lavender on your wrists, or drop some Joy over your heart and massage in. I promise you will feel much better in a few minutes!

Thanks ladies!!

Rachel (mom of 4 and every-now-and-then-blogger)

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  • About

    Blue Willow is our homeschool name, chosen for the beautiful willow tree in our yard and the Bluegrass state we live in. Homestyle is defined as "involving the home or family" and "domestic". Here you will find stories about our life as a family and tips from me, a mommy of four. I will talk about a variety of things that pertain to our family and other things I'm passionate about. I do hope you enjoy.